WHY SOME LADIES END UP WITH HAD I KNOWN

At the end of the day, their question would be had I known. You will live to keep asking yourself this because by the time you come to a realization it is already to late.

You had the opportunity to walk away from an abusive relationship but because your friends said no then you also decided to stay because of the silly reasons they filled you with. You didn't want to date a poor boy... a boy who can't afford to get you the most expensive phones, the most expensive weavons or lodge you in an expensive hotel for couple weekend, you didn't want to be seen flying bikes again and so you endured stupidly for a foolish reason.

I still don't understand why most girls have decided to turn relationships into nairabet, where they think relationship is try your luck so when you come across a guy who has it all then by death or by accident  you must stay with him with the reason that he will change or I will change him when we get married. Well this wasn't the luck of esther.

Esther was from a good home, she had everything moving fine for her and her family. After how many years of staying at home, she finally got admission into Unilag and then her life changed.

Esther back in school was a very pretty, slim, tall, fair and nice girl but ended up very stupid because of the kind of friends she had back in school. I'm sure most of you would have noticed that some of my words have been filled with abusive words and that is because what esther did is unheard of.

After her second year in school, she came across a guy who was popularly known as MR changer. No one has ever seen him repeat clothes, shoes or drive the same car every time. He finally met esther
and her friends at the canteen and there started the death of esther. He offered to buy them lunch which they agreed to, remember i described esther as a very pretty girl so you can imagine her look. Esther and Mr changer started dating and the first month everything was moving fine, no argument, no issue and all of that. she felt paradise on earth until she finally decided to move in with him and then he showed her his true colors.

Eight months after she moved, she had done 6 abortions for him and that isn't even the main thing yet. Every night he rapes her from 7pm to 5am in the morning and when he's going out he gives her money and apologises to her. ohh sorry! did I mention that he stopped her from going out? even to school. All she does all day is to watch movies, cook and wait for him to come back home, rape her and give her money, she took this as her daily job and when he true friend asked her she replied saying how many white collar job offers 100k as salary?

One morning he came back home and was so angry and esther, dragged her to the room and abused her wrongly. This time her had his way through her anus and for the first time esther couldn't take it anymore and decided to have her friends over, told them everything and told them she wants to leave but her friends gave her a bad advise and she decided to stay back and this has already completed the fourth year of the course she was meant to study, so you can imagine how long he had chained her at home for. You want to ask how about her family? well he got her a new SIM card. Now don't get me wrong here, he loves her so much and because of this he couldn't control his feelings and fear of losing her which is one of the mistakes girls make. You see a guy who is madly jealous and can hit you at every slightest mistake and tells you it's cos he loves you he's doing that and you also stay back. For a man who can beat you in private when he's provoked can also beat you in public when he sees you talking to another man.


To be continued.......

  

  My Teacher Turned Me to a Nymphomaniac  

He asked ''joy, why do you hate me? it has been four years since we started dating and up till now you won't even allow me kiss you,'' 

How will I compose my lie to tell him I don't feel for him as much as he feels for me, how will I tell him about my past. I have been pushing him away for years now because I don't want to hurt him with my past, I don't want to scare him of. For the first time in my life, I just want to be useful to myself, but how long will I keep it away from him? Do I have the courage to tell him, will he accept me if I tell him?. Fear gripped me.

My past was too shameful to talk about and my perfect line then came back ''I was a cup for everyone, I was the sweetest wine anyone would want to have more taste of, I was rare and unique.'' 

My beauty like my mum says, is that of a goddess that any woman who sees me when I was a little girl would walk up to me and ask of my name. She said I was so fair and attractive and I always had a cute smile on. In primary six, I believed my mum stories. I was so much loved by my primary teacher; he loved me so much that even though I failed to answer a question correctly he never for once scolded me. I fell so much with him as well and I became very comfortable around him. 

I would always sit with him in his office and sometimes eat from the same plate with him, I took him as the elder brother I never had. He brought up the idea of extra lesson for me since I was about to take my common entrance exam. I was happy about it because I always wanted to be around him and my mum agreed and fixed it on a Friday after the close of school. 

The first Friday, he was so calm and lenient with me and that increased my respect for him, he got me food as well and took me home. I got to school on Monday, and my classmates didn't talk to me, even when i tried talking to them they ignored me. I was lonely and decided to always be in my teacher's office, so most of my day in school I was always in his office. My proprietress was comfortable with it because she trusted the man so much. he has been working with her for 15years so she took him as a brother. 

Weeks went by and I still couldn't get my classmates to talk to me no matter how much I tried, they were envious of me because I was the teacher's favorite and being a little girl, I was always crying at one corner of the class. 

One day during assembly hour, the proprietress came and announced that all pry6 pupils will be going for an excursion the next week and it will be in alphabetical order by surnames. Nextweek came and the first set went with the assistant class teacher leaving behind my favorite teacher and other students. Since there was no one to talk to I went to his office and was playing with him, he asked me to come over to his table, I hurriedly stood up and went, he told me to bend down, I did and he pulled down his trouser and asked if I like him? I said yes that he is my best teacher. He said if I like him that I should lick his penis, I didn't hesitate and I did. After a while he told me to stand up and said ''if you tell anybody this, I won't allow you write your exam'' I promised him not to tell anyone then he smiled and said ''for a girl your age, you are so smart.  You are 8years old and so mature.'' I smiled back. This act continued every day, I don't know how he timed himself so well that we never got caught, I licked his penis every day and gradually I started enjoying it that sometimes I am the one who does it willingly. Weeks passed by, and one faithful Friday during my extra lesson my teacher turned my whole world around. As usual, he asked me to lick his penis and rather than normal, I noticed he was vibrating and got scared, he told me to lie down on the table which I did. He pulled down my panties and kept his finger in me. I don't know why I didn't feel pain but I guess it because I was already enjoying licking his penis. He started using his penis to rub on my virginal, he told me to calm down and trust him, I nodded in reply and before I knew what was happening, I felt something inside of me, I didn't scream or shout, it was painful but it felt so good, I didn't want him to stop and it was strange because he was married with two kids but I never got to know his age. 

He always had me anytime he wanted and I didn't complain because I loved it, we did it many times a day and sometimes I asked for it. We continued till I wrote my exam and left and even while in jss1 in another school I would go to his house and we would do it all day before going home. My mum never knew because she was very busy and traveled always. I was always home with my aunty who was in sss3 preparing for exam so she always got home late. I got addicted to it and couldn't go a day without it, we had sex from when I was eight and when I became 15years. He moved out from where he was staying. I couldn't control it because I had not seen or heard from him for a while, I missed him, so I started it with my neighbor, it was different with him because his dick was bigger and I enjoyed it much more. My neighbor and I had it anywhere because it was just a compound of two. So anytime no one was at home i go to his house and we had sex all day. He made me enjoy it because he licked my virginal every time and i always begged for more because I have never felt something so good.

We continued having sex morning and night and fortunately for me, I was on holiday so I got to have it as long as I wanted. He was so good that i didn't notice other guys around as far as he was giving it to me well. He finally got a job and was living home in the morning and coming back at night, I didn't get to see him always so this time I started it up with my classmates. This time, they were two and it was much fun than I expected. We always had each other in one of the boys house because he lived with his father who goes to work and came back late. Most times we skip school and stay at home having sex; the fun part about it was that while one was having sex with me, the other one was playing with my boobs. Most times I would scream out loud in passion because it felt like I was in heaven, they did it so well and nothing felt like it. One morning we agreed to meet at the same house because we were on midterm break so we couldn't see in school, I got to the house and meet their absence but instead met the boy’s father. Being I was to pretty and attractive, the father feel in love with me and just that day on that same spot, we had sex. I didn't feel it because I was too wide for his penis so it was like there was nothing inside me. I noticed the way he was struggling to satisfy me and suddenly I asked him to stop and I walked out. I got home and was left with thought, I wasn't sad because I wasn't satisfied, I was sad because I came to realize how much of a useless person I had become, I noticed that one person couldn't satisfy me because I was used to two, I realized that my life had turned out useless and I started crying, I prayed to God for a change and while praying my teacher came in. I was filled with happiness and forgot I was praying and jumped on him, I don't know what came over him, maybe he missed me, i just couldn't explain. He grabbed me and made love to me so bad, he noticed how wide I had become and he said ''I see you have gone far, now I am going to take you to another phase of pleasure.'' he fingered my anus and he kept his penis inside. The anal sex felt so good and there again I knew I was in for another thing, that became my pursuit for sex, I didn't want anything else apart from anal sex so once more he became my target. I always went to his house and had anal sex with him because I didn't want someone else. It has been long I felt you I said to him, I thanked him for coming back. I missed him so much and to be more grateful, he came back with a new method ''ANAL'' if it wasn't anal, sex wasn't interesting to me anymore, he did it so well that instead of going to school I will spend the whole day in his house because at that time his family had traveled. He invited his friend over and while his friend was having me my teacher would sit and watch. This continued but the most unforgettable day came, it happened so fast but felt nothing like passion but crazy feeling, a new idea was introduced to me and I accepted it. While one made love to me in my virginal, the other one had me in my anus. I screamed so loud because I couldn't control it, I didn't beg for a stop but rather asked for two anal which I got without delay and finally the worst happened. In pursuit for sex I didn't notice I had missed my period for three months, it downed on me that I was pregnant. I didn't know who the father was or who to go to because I had had sex with different people and to add to it, I had missed school many times and didn't realize I had missed my mock exam. I had many things going on with and it felt like I was losing my mind. Due to fear I kept it to myself, then one fateful morning after morning devotion, my mum noticed my strange look and took me to her room, I was already six months gone. 

She asked who the father was and I couldn't answer because there was no answer to be given, she looked at me in anger and threw me out of the house and I knew my world had ended. I spent days wondering around and as a result of stress I had miscarriage. I had not eaten for days, or slept peaceful, i had no option but to go back to my mum, I got home and started crying, I begged for forgiveness, I begged for mercy and I begged for her love. She looked at me and asked'' where will I forgive you from, the fact you got pregnant or the fact that you chose to be school dropout?' 'I had no reply to those questions.  She walked out leaving me on my knees. I ran after her, looked at her and swore on heavens not to ever make her cry again, she took me up even though she was heartbroken and she said ''I can't ignore you as a mother but I will guide you through the right path.'' she took me to church for deliverance and since then I have been doing everything possible to avoid any mistake again, to create a distance between closeness with any guy, i made only few my friends not  because I don't want to have a relationship but because I feel being too close to them might make me sin against my mother again. This decision somehow became a problem, the few guys that asked to be my boyfriend and I accepted just to be with one particular guy, all wanted sex from the beginning and I always refused, this has cost me three relationships. I didn't mind because I wasn't looking for sex, I was looking for happiness. For me to stop crying or going through heartbreaks, I decided to stay away from relationships or even if I am ever going to have one, I am going to make the guy wait till marriage. I know i am no longer a virgin but ''the pride of a woman is her body'' no man wants to marry an expired product.

  I don't enjoy sex with my husband 
How do I tell my husband he doesn't satisfy me anymore? If I ever mention this to him, what will he think of me, will he think I have fornicated. Will he love me same way, ask for my  reason or file a divorce. 
We have been married for three years now, all this years, all I do is endure, I don't endure because I don't want to hurt him, I endure because I don't want to lose him. As a result of this, I had to go for counselling, I didn't have much to talk about with the counsellor because she gave me full reasons why that is happening. She said to my understanding that most times, what leads to that is the expansion of the female organ, she further explained that it is as a result of the size of the male organ that penetrated, she said if it is big, the female organ will expand to the size and retain it but if it is small then it will fit in perfectly.
All this years, I have been living with my husband with double mind, one mind making me think I don't love him, and the other mind making me think I had a spiritual husband. After the meeting with the counsellor, my mind dated back to my past relationship, the past relationship that almost cost me my life and led me to my husband. My past relationship was a terrible experience, a relationship that for all the years spent, it was based on rape and physical abuse. Ifeanyi! Ifeanyi was the name of my first love, we started our relationship from jss2, we have always spoken about marriage and number of kids we wish to have. Ifeanyi and I, didn't only attend the same secondary school but fate also took us to the same state to serve. 
I didn't know anyone else except him, he was the first man that ever made me a woman, the first who ever touched me. For all the years we dated, I dated with endurance with the hope of changing him to the man I want. You see couples smiling and laughing together, you wish to have their relationship but you don't know what is happening in private, you don't know the amount of times they quarrel. He was a calm person, that was who he was when we were in the same secondary school but staying with him during our youth service, he was a total different person, Ifeanyi was already a drug addict and very violent, he flared up at every slightest mistake I made, he turned me into ‘’his drum and hit me anytime he pleases. Into  his quench, anytime he got thirsty of sex, I became his desire.’’ 
I loved him so bad and I wondered if anyone had ever loved like that, I endured all of it because I didn't even want to stay breathe away from him, I always hoped for change even though my friends had told me that was never going to happen, I felt they were being jealous of my relationship and I told Ifeanyi, he warned me to stay away from them that they are trying to separate us, because of how much I loved him, I listened and did as he ordered. Every night Ifeanyi will go out partying, leaving me at home all by myself, he comes back home drunk and forcefully have sex with me, for some time I was enjoying it but after a while it became a habit for him. Aside being drunk, anytime we were home together and I mistakenly add too much salt to his food, he gets angry and beat me badly. Every normal guy would want to settle his relationship calmly but that was not the case for him, after beating me mercilessly, the next he does is to to rape me like an animal,  he never cared how much I screamed or begged for mercy, the only time he stopped was when he is satisfied. The day ever went by, the sun ever slept, the moon ever went hiding and he won't be violent with me. He had a plus size organ, and ‘’instead of me to enjoy sex with him, I endure pain for him.’’ I was always enduring pain, hoping that one day he will look into my eyes, apologise for all his mistakes and make things right, but no, that never happened. While hoping for a miracle, all I was fed with was disappointment and improvement of a beast, I had lost friends so I had no one to even talk to, I had no reason to go out or have anyone over. Anytime I complained, begging him to let me go, the only response I got was ‘’you can't beg for breathe to cease, begging to leave me is like asking for my death.’’ Yes! I know he loved me, I know how much he needed me around but what I never understood was why he always treated me like a slave, he could spoil me with gift, dinner and lunch, but that was not what I wanted, I wanted love, attention, care, time and happiness. If everyone ever wants gift and outing, then what is the use of love and relationship, everybody will seek for fun and pleasure. 
I kept on enduring, until one day, my endurance became my nightmare. Ifeanyi improved from making me unhappy, but finally making me a slave. He took my gadgets from me because he noticed that anytime I got chatting, I always had a smile on, he found this frustrating and took them away from me, he felt I was cheating but that wasn't the case, I had never the courage to cheat because I loved him so much, I was chatting to keep myself busy because I spent every day of my life in his house. Him taking my phone from me, was the day I finally stood him to him, it was the day I poured out all my feelings and pain, I told him how much he has been hurting me. I was expecting an apology, a hug, kisses and anything a girl wants, but no, instead, I got beatings, I got pains. He beat me with anything at sight, stool, flower vases and the rest, he asked me who gave me the guts to stand up to him, he asked what lever I have to question his actions, lying there in the pool of my blood, I couldn't provide answers, I couldn't even move my mouth, he saw me in pains and started apologising. That was the first time I've ever heard that word from him in three years, I was stunned, I was happy and filled with smile, but no I said to myself, not to allow this continue, not to lose my life because of love, immediately an idea came up. He quickly drive me to the hospital, as soon as he was done with the medical bills, he stepped out to get me provisions, I allowed the doctor treat me wounds, I didn't wait to be properly checked on, I just wanted to leave, I just wanted to get my life back, I just wanted happiness to locate me and stop denying myself happiness. 
As soon as the doctor left my room, I set out of the hospital, immediately I got outside, I had eye contact with Ifeanyi, he saw me and was rushing over to me, I ran for my life and stumbled on a man, I didn't ask for his name but asked for his help, I begged him to save my life which he did without questions. We drove off before Ifeanyi could catch up with me, that man took care of me all through, he didn't ask questions till I got better. After a while, for the first time we had a conversation, I told him everything, he promised to make me forget my past and never make a mistake to remind me of it, he kept to his words, we dated for a while and got married, he has showed me nothing but happiness but that happiness has not been completed. 
Anytime we made love, I felt nothing, I feel no pleasure, but I pretend to make him happy. I don't know if I was still feeling love for Ifeanyi or if I was missing him. Since I met with the counsellor I had full courage on what to do, I decided not  tell my husband but force myself to adjust to his size, no matter how much I tried, I still felt nothing, there is no point deceiving myself, I can't compare 12 years to four years. I will cast on hope, faith and trust in God to help complete my happiness.